I can’t believe we’re juicing

After trying so many crappy diets and reading countless articles on healthy eating, I thought I’d got to a place where I could finally rule out faddy diets. Because it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that to be successful, you need to find a way of eating that’s both healthy AND sustainable, or you’ll fall off the waggon as soon as you’ve heaved your blubbering mass onto it.

And yet here I am, trying a weird hybrid diet that fuses together juicing and slow carb. We’ve totally made it up ourselves, so the downside is that there’s zero proof it works. But being the first has its perks too – we got to give our creation a name: the Slow Juice Diet. Next stop: book deal, Oprah, the world!

The reason we’re embarking on this juicing experiment is because of a documentary we watched called Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. It was made by Joe Cross, an extremely overweight and unhealthy Aussie who went on a juice fast for 60 days, all the while travelling across America and finding other overweight bods to needle about their predicament along the way.

His fast was a huge success, of course, and he also managed to help a trucker with the same autoimmune condition as him lost a vast amount of weight too. It’s all hugely inspiring – the juicers end up looking like different people and they all report incredible changes to health, energy and mood. Even the most unpleasant side effects (dodgy bowel movements, headaches, hunger, feeling unwell) all seem to clear after about three days.

So this sounds amazing, right?! And once you’ve done the initial fast you can just ‘eat healthily’ (because that’s so easy) and – Kablammo! – suddenly you’re a supermodel and your husband looks like Tom Hardy! I may be reading between the lines here…

That said, we quickly talked ourselves out of proper juicing – we know people who’ve done the full juicing thing before and to be honest, they weren’t great adverts. Sure, they lost weight, but they ALWAYS looked miserable, they spent an awful lot of their time just shopping, preparing and juicing, and as soon as they finished they put all the weight back on again. And let’s face it, while juicing might work amazingly for some people, most will have a similar experience to our friends.

So, you may well ask – why the frick are we juicing then?

Well, our theory is that by introducing one slow carb meal a day, we’ll benefit from the discipline, portion control and nutritional aspects of juicing but be less tempted to give up.

Our diet plan does get a little complicated though. We’ve also built in a cheat day so we can eat whatever the hell we like for a few glorious hours, as well as ANOTHER day where we only have one juice and two slow carb meals.

Confused yet??

So, for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday we’ll be having green juice for both breakfast and lunch, then a slow carb dinner in the evening.

Friday will be a juice for breakfast then a slow carb meal for both lunch and dinner.

Saturday will be a free for all.

Then, Sunday and Monday we’ll be back to 2 x green juice and 1 x slow carb meal a day to try and mitigate the cheatz.

And we’ll see if this thing actually works when we weigh in again on Tuesday!

Wish me luck!

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